Edward's Inferno
by realornotreal22
Summary: The goodbye scene in new moon, but from Edward's point of view.


Summary: This is the goodbye in new moon, but from Edward's point of view. I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I own very little of this story. Just the actual writing. Most of the dialogue is taken directly from new moon.

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I let the car crawl to a stop against the curb before I slowly put it in park. I laid my head against the black leather seat, tears prickling my eyes, threatening to spill; if such a thing were possible. I took a few deep, slow breaths as I stared at the roof of my car, taking only slight notice in the small worn holes in the gray fabric. I clenched my jaw, glancing down at my pale hands clutching the steering wheel in front of me. My grip on the wheel tightened slightly as the very large and irrational part of my brain began to question my decision. I shook my head violently before letting my hands slide off the wheel and drop into my lap._No. It's better this way; better for her. _The tears threatened to fall again as her face, so clear, so real, flitted into my mind's eye. I ran my pallid fingers roughly through my bronze hair, not letting her chocolate brown eyes or mahogany waves or gorgeous, slightly out-of-balanced lips prevent me from keeping her safe. I let my mind wander to my reasons for being here and, before I could stop myself, I'd punched a hole in the dashboard.

"Damn it!" I yelled, knowing the outburst was more caused by my impending actions as opposed to the fist-sized hole in my dashboard.

I forced myself to push the door open and step out of the car, for fear that I'd destroy it. I took a deep breath and shut the door behind me, the image of her empty house slowing my progress as I made my way across her lawn and to the front door. I glanced around momentarily, purposely taking my time, for the large and selfish part of my mind began it's rather convincing tirade again.

I sighed and rushed into the house before I could begin questioning my impending actions for the umpteenth time that day. I dropped the tiny key into my pocket, heading toward the stairs. Instead of walking normally, or even running, I leapt over them, landing silently in front of her bedroom door. My hand faltered as it wound around the copper doorknob.

"Damn it. Damn it. Damn it." I muttered, shutting my eyes for the briefest second before wrenching the door open and stepping into her room.

Before I let myself register the fact that this would be the last time I was to set foot in her bedroom, I walked swiftly over to her CD player and popped the minute latch. It opened to reveal the CD I'd given her for her birthday.

I pushed away all the emotion that threatened to send me into earth shattering sobs and moved robotically about the room, ridding it of anything to do with me; ridding her beautiful, human life of me entirely.

Without looking at the pictures, I pulled the ones of me out of the album beside her bed and stuffed them unceremoniously into my pocket. I grabbed the plane tickets to Jacksonville off of her computer desk and turned to leave the room.

My resolve weakened as I glanced at the CD case and plane tickets in my hand. _I can't take her things…_I thought. _I can't leave her with nothing…_ I retrieved the slightly wrinkled photos from inside my pocket, my gaze lingering on her beautiful face. Before I'd consciously made a decision, I'd already wrenched one of her floorboards out of place and dropped the photos and gifts into the 6 inch by 6 inch space. Despite the disapproval of the small and rational part of my mind, I replaced the floorboard and walked out after making sure everything was exactly as she'd left it.

_You did the right thing. It's necessary. For her. That's most important. _I sighed as I got into my car and sped off, not worrying about where I was headed. I didn't feel the need to go home, for the house was already empty. After a few minutes of driving over a hundred miles an hour, my robotic façade faltered and I pulled the car to the side of the road.

I let my forehead rest against my knuckles that were clenched upon the steering wheel, the force of my curled fingers turning them even whiter than usual. I breathed in as much air as my lungs would allow and held it there, refusing to break down before I'd done the impossible. I let the air escape my lungs before slowly lifting my head. I blinked repeatedly before throwing the car in reverse and heading home to leave it, for I needed to run. It was the only thing I could do to pass the inexplicable hours while she slept, without me lying next to her.

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_This is necessary. You have to do this. It's the only way to give her a normal life! _I repeated the phrases to myself as I quickly scribbled a note to Charlie in Bella's handwriting. 'Going for a walk with Edward, up the path. Be back soon, B.' _She's better off without you. _These were the last words of encouragement I'd received from the part of my brain that condoned my actions as I left the note in plain sight on the kitchen table and left without a backward glance.

I composed my delicately agonized features as the obnoxious sounds of Bella's truck filled my ears. I stepped out of my car when her foot hit the ground, taking my time to reach her side. She glanced at me, worried look in place.

"Come for a walk with me." I whispered in a monotonous tone as I pulled her bag off her shoulder and placed it back into her car.

I took her hand, sucking in a silent, tormented breath as I realized this would be the last time I felt her small, warm hand in mine. _Don't do this, Edward! She won't heal like you think she will. She won't forget. _Alice's parting words rang through my mind as I led a reluctant Bella through her yard and onto the path. Her hand twitched violently, her feet somewhat dragging. Her heart beat fiercely against her rib cage, it's hypnotic rhythm drowning out the violent argument taking place in my mind. I dropped her hand and stopped, whirling about to face her. She stopped too, her brown eyes searching my blank features, questioning. I leaned against a tree, fighting the urge to drop her gaze.

"Okay, let's talk." She said, brave façade in place.

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out before speaking in a low voice.

"We're leaving, Bella."

Her sharp intake of breath shocked me a little, for I thought it would take an abundant amount of energy to get her to understand my words.

"Why now? Another year-"

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon, regardless." I interrupted her cautious question in an emotionless voice.

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion at my words. She searched my face again, frightened look crossing her features when my own remained cold and blank.

"When you say _we_-" She whispered.

"I mean my family and myself." I said each word separately and slowly, as though I were drilling the words into her brain.

She shut her eyes and shook her head forcefully, as though she were trying to clear her head. My brows furrowed and my lips turned down into a frown as I witnessed the denial washing over her. _You have to do this. You have to do this. _I wiped the worried look off my face a millisecond before her eyelids flickered open.

"Okay. I'll come with you." She said in a resolved tone.

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going…it's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me." She said, adamant.

I had to work exquisitely hard to keep the emotion out of my voice.

"I'm no good for you, Bella."

She huffed loudly before shaking her head, her mahogany waves swaying around her.

"Don't be ridiculous." She said, worry being the sole tone in her voice now. "You're the very best part of my life."

I fought to keep my arms crossed, for they yearned to reach out and hold her.

"My world is not for you." I whispered, unintentionally letting a bit of my heartbreak show.

Her eyes widened in terror at my words.

"What happened with Jasper-that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" She said desperately, her voice raising an octave.

I nodded my head slowly, thinking _It was everything, Bella. It just proved what I've known all along; I'm no good for you. You can't be normal with me in your life. _I took a deep breath, forcing myself to keep up with the robotic front.

"You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected." I agreed, my tone one of pure ice.

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"

Her desperation was growing, I knew. My heart felt as though a large fist were crushing it with more force than even Emmett could muster.

"As long as that was best for you." I whispered.

"_No! _This is about my soul, isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you-it's yours already!" She screamed, angry tears of despair welling up in her eyes.

I blinked twice, for I couldn't bare to gaze into those chocolate brown orbs of misery any longer. I stared at the damp earth beneath me, not really seeing the path we were standing on. I could feel my features begin to contort in pain, for I knew that I would have to cause her more pain than I'd had already if I were to get her to move on and forget. I clenched my jaw tight and, again, removed all emotion from my face before meeting her gaze. My fiercely frozen glare seemed to surprise her slightly, for she appeared to fight the inclination to take a step back.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I enunciated slowly, keeping my golden gaze upon her gradually crumbling features.

I had to literally press myself against the tree behind me to keep from reaching out to her as she realized the hidden meaning behind my words. _This is for her. I know she's hurting now, but she'll be fine later. Humans forget over time. They heal. _I tried to convince myself, to condone my actions.

"You….don't….want me?" She whispered, her face equivalent to a crumbling building.

"No." I said, not clearly comprehending her words.

This time, she was no longer a crumbling building; she was the remnants. _This is best for her. This is best for her. _The phrase had become comfortingly redundant.

"Well, that changes things." She said quietly, numbly.

I tore my gaze away from her face, toward the trees, for I couldn't endure the sight of her, standing there, numb and broken.

"Of course, I'll always love you…in a way. But what happened that other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…_tired_ of pretending to be someone I'm not, Bella. I am not human."

It was then that I gazed back at her, ready to kick her while she was down; giving her all the ammunition to hate me for the rest of her life. _That's what you want, Edward. She'll never try to forget if she still loves you. _With this convincing thought, I continued, making sure to keep the emotion buried deep down.

"I let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't." She whispered, reaching for the last string of hope that was floating slowly out of view. "Don't do this."

I felt the stinging at the corners of my eyes again and, for once, I wished that the tears would just fall. For once, I wished the pain would flow out of me and pour down my cheeks to save Bella from the torment I'd caused. _Goodbye, Bella. I'll always love you. _

"You're not good for me, Bella."

I kept my face entirely blank as she struggled to respond to my wretched phrase. My heart shattered into a billion pieces as I watched her take in and comprehend my words; as I watched her finally _believe _that she wasn't good enough for me and that I didn't love her.

"If…that's what you want."

I nodded silently, holding my breath to keep from hyperventilating as her eyes glazed over. She'd accepted everything I'd said and was now shutting down. My teeth ground together quietly; the noise vociferous to my own ears, yet completely silent to hers. I had to make my final request quickly, for I knew I wouldn't be able to remain in her presence much longer. The robotic and monotonous façade was quickly wearing.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much." I said.

"Anything." A trickle of life had returned in her words.

I focused on her eyes, my face suddenly thawing, for I was determined to keep her safe.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?" I asked intensely, holding her gaze.

When she nodded, I turned away, giving myself a mere second to rebuild the cold and heartless mask I'd worn since we stepped onto the trail leading into the woods.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course." I said, covering. "He needs you. Take care of yourself-for him."

_Please, please take care of yourself, Bella, _I silently begged,_ I'm doing this to keep you safe. Please, just stay safe. _

"I will." She whispered.

I nodded, knowing that her words were sincere. I glanced at her hand, shaking to the rhythm of the shudders running up and down her body. I turned my golden gaze some twenty yards away, to a tree where a squirrell sat on the topmost branch, gazing at us. I stared back, contemplating whether or not to leave without making the promise that would inevitably keep me away from her forever. _Do it. Edward! Finish this! _The tiny, rational part of my mind shouted at me. I cringed mentally.

"And I'll make you a promise in return," I began, hating every fiber of my being and wishing desperately that I could be human for her. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interferance from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

It was then that I truly wished I'd never existed. It was then that I truly wished Bella had never known me, had never known such pain. I hated myself for what I was doing to her, for what I did. I couldn't care less about the pain that I was feeling because I knew that I deserved this. In fact, I deserved much more pain than this. I was burning from the inside, flames gleefully licking every part of my body. But this was nothing, nothing compared to the pain I'd caused. I welcomed the flames. _Punish me! _I wanted to shout. _I deserve it!_

I wanted to reach out and pull her into my arms, hold her, when I noticed her jean covered knees begin to shake. The flames grew within, burning. destroying everything in its path. I let a small, gentle smile grace my lips, hoping to leave her with a small comfort.

"Don't worry. You're human-your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

_How I longed to be a human at this point. What I wouldn't give to become one. _Her eyes burned; I silently wondered if my words briefly inspired a flash of anger or if there was an internal fire raging in her as well. I sincerely hoped it was the former.

"And your memories?" She asked, choking slightly.

_My memories will stay with me forever. Everything to do with you will play through my mind like a neverending film. I will never forget. _

"Well," I paused, resisting the urge to tell her the whole truth. "I won't forget. But _my _kind…we're very easily distracted." I smiled gently.

I searched her face, wondering if she'd heard the subtle emphasis I'd placed on `my'; I'd created that line we'd never had before, that line we'd always crossed: vampires and humans. She didn't seem to notice. I sighed and stepped back, announcing my departure.

"That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again." I said, making sure to emphasize that she'll never have to see another vampire in her lifetime.

Her eyes widened as the plural caught her attention.

"Alice isn't coming back."

It wasn't a question. She'd finally realized what I was saying. Not only would I be gone; _everyone _would be gone, as well.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?"

The utter disbelief and dispair in her words nearly caused me to break down then and there. I took in another deep breath, willing myself to stand tall and be the marvelous liar I'd always been.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." I said, not able to prevent the truth from spilling out of my mouth.

I saw her processing my words and took this as my que to leave.

"Goodbye, Bella." I whispered.

"Wait!" Her voice cracked and her hands reached out, searching for me.

My eyes stung in a piercing fashion; the fire blazed within me. I clamped my hands around her unusually cold wrists and pinned them to her sides, not able to leave without touching her one last time. My lips brushed her forehead, forcing her eyelids to flicker shut. _The last kiss…_

"Take care of yourself." I whispered, my fake, indifferent persona finally disappearing; like a butterfly successfully breaking out of it's cocoon and fluttering off into the sunset.

I was gone before she'd reopened her eyes. I ran with no clear destination, no coherent thoughts, just flames. That's what was left of me; _flames._ And just when I thought there couldn't possibly be a worse pain than this, I heard her; searching. Searching for me. The inferno engulfed me then, blinding me. All that was left were flames, fire, inferno. I was destined to burn for all eternity. I was gone.


End file.
